“You may not control all of the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
~ Maya Angelou
During this pandemic we are assessing what needs to be done, learning about the virus, and caring for one another. Through communication, logistics, and science, we have been set on a course, but how we feel matters too and will determine how we handle those facts and acts over time.
What is happening?
We are fighting a terrible virus that is wreaking havoc
in our town, county, state, country and world
and putting us at risk on many levels.
What is happening?
We are being challenged to find our true selves.
It is through adversity we learn what really matters.
It is in the darkest of times we find purpose and meaning.
It is through discomfort we grow.
It’s no April Fool’s joke, unfortunately. The reality has been countered with the sharing love, humor and patience. I am grateful for technology that lets us connect virtually to share this comfort with each other. As the pressure builds over time however, I want to offer tips to build your resilience and calm. To fully access our true selves, which leads to more empowerment to face what lies ahead, I offer these 2 steps today that pave the way for perspective and growth.
Step 1: Daily check in. Start a ritual of checking in with yourself and acknowledging how you are feeling. There will be days we feel like crumbling and days we will reflect on how we mastered yesterday’s mayhem. Of course there are many levels in between such as numbness, grief, anger, frustration, momentary peace, humor, love, gratitude, appreciation. Do not be afraid of admitting to yourself how you really feel. This level of clarity and self compassion is a good starting point. It is okay to feel how you feel, then give yourself compassion that is needed. To use a common expression: You can stop beating yourself up! After acknowledging your feelings, move to what you can do today and take it one step at a time. There will be days you just get through and days you feel victorious.
We need to check in on how we feel because if we just shove it down, our energy is spent keeping it down. Our energy will be spent holding back the tidal wave of stress rather than fueling our future. Without introspection and self compassion, we limit ourselves. There is nothing our “being” can’t do, it is the essence of who we are, the true self. We need to be able to access that self around our ego, or “thinker”, whose knowledge is limited to past experience and tends toward fear and worry. Our ego says “can’t” but our being says “can”. Our goal is to connect to our being always, but especially while under extreme duress. Our being is that part of us that is okay whatever is happening, just experiencing whatever it is experiencing. This is where we tap into a higher level of consciousness, an inner resource, the place where we develop resilience, gathering strength and endurance.
Step 2: Drop Resistance. If all goes as we have been told, things will get tougher before they get better. Along with the daily check in, to further position yourself for more pressure, you can drop resistance and accept the challenges laid before you. (A subtle, yet important, alternate perspective to sitting in fear). We can do what we should do to keep others safe and accept the challenge physically and emotionally for ourselves and for others. Agree that you are ready to grow. The distress of a parent unable to fix something for their child is a heavy pain, so we may have to agree for the moment that we are all ready to grow. Life is unfolding, as Laotzu suggests, reminding us it has a path of its own that we do not control. We are simply navigating ourselves along that path. We do not control circumstance, but we can control our reaction and action. Growth begins at the end of your comfort zone and we are all going there now.
With these two steps, you can begin to build a perspective that will energize you for what lies ahead. What is happening? Pressure, leading to feelings, leading to clarity and compassion, needing to accept challenges, leading to resilience, building meaning and purpose….In other words, personal and collective growth. There is more ahead we will face, more to we can do to tap into our true selves to ensure our growth. Our conversation will continue. Until then, I wish you all safety, wellness, and resilience.
Kim Perone is a Success, Bereavement, and Resilience Coach and Mindfulness Trainer at Center4C (The Center for Clarity, Compassion & Contentment) offering 1:1 coaching, workshops, programs, retreats, workplace training and resources to support you on your life’s journey. Kim is the author of The Case For Clarity, Compassion, and Contentment: Finding Your Center available at www.center4c.com and Amazon. For more information about cultivating clarity, compassion, and contentment in your life, contact Kim at [email protected] or (518) 301-359 or visit www.Center4C.com.
